A week ago today I was involved in a car accident, up until that point I had been feeling the best I had done for a long while; I was learning about myself, beginning to control my anxiety better and making self-care a priority. Then as I was driving to collect my children from nursery a car crashed into my side door and time stood still. It happened so fast yet it happened so slowly, in that moment as I saw it coming my way I swerved desperately trying to avoid it but I knew there was nothing more I could do and I closed my eyes, in the darkness I thought that was it – the end.
Thankfully I opened my eyes and I was still there, but for a very real moment I felt emotions that I never want to feel again. An X-ray showed that I suffered no broken bones, but as the Dr removed the cervical collar from around my neck later that night she told me that I would feel both the physical and mental affects the next morning, and boy she was right.
It has been a week now and I still ache from head to toe, hence this will be a short post as my shoulders are struggling to take the pain in typing this right now. But I am most annoyed that I was feeling in such a good place prior to the accident and that now feels like a distant memory, it feels as though I have been transported back to square one. The days since the accident have just merged into one, I am unable to do much and I feel trapped in my own home because I cannot walk far and I start to panic at the thought of getting back in the car. This is the worst-case scenario for my mental health, I need routine, I need to get out and about, I can’t even exercise to feel good and there is only so many baths you can take. I guess I have to be patient, and try and stay strong throughout.
I’m not sure how or when I will get back to my “good place” again, but I know I have to, giving up on it is not an option, I got there once and I will do it again. I suppose this is my first step in getting back to where I was – acknowledging how I am feeling and accepting it, it’s okay to not feel okay. Things take time and I believe in myself, I will get past this set back, for you have to be at your strongest when you are feeling at your weakest.