Well it has been 20 days since I started to wean myself off of Mirtazapine now, it hasn’t been pleasant but it hasn’t been as bad as I’d been anticipating either, probably because I was expecting the worst having read accounts online of it leaving people bed bound. So far I have personally experienced bouts of nausea, lightheadedness, loss of appetite, the shakes and a racing heart. To be fair it has only been a few days since I completely stopped taking the tablets though, so I am a little nervous that the worst could still be yet to come, due to the fact that the withdrawal symptoms are supposedly at their most severe a few weeks after you have actually stopped altogether.
That being said, I feel that I have the strength to bear the brunt of the side effects because luckily I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have definitely began to feel a sense of being back to my old self again, something I desperately missed whilst being on Mirtazapine. You would think that I would be happier on anti-depressants, but instead they just made me feel numb and emotionless, needless to say I’m happy not to be feeling like that anymore.
I have undoubtedly noticed an increase in my anxiety and OCD over the past few days too, but that didn’t come as a suprise as they were the whole reason I started taking Mirtazpine in the first place. In preparation for their return I have been making more of an effort to look after myself, for one I’ve been making sure I get a good night’s sleep, I used to sit up in bed on my phone until I could no longer open my eyes, now I switch off my phone an hour before bed every night and make sure I’m getting my hours in. It feels much better waking up well rested, even just the small and simple things make such a big difference. I have downloaded a few mental health apps too which are a great help as well.
So on the whole, I am pleased to say that I’m feeling in a good place mentally to be finally coming off of Mirtazapine and taking back control, it feels like I am approaching the long awaited end of a chapter. Yes they suppressed my OCD and anxiety (not as much as I’d hoped might I add), but they suppressed me more so and I feel like that not only impacted upon me but on my family’s happiness too, something which I was not prepared to sacrifice. As I said in my previous post, I am grateful for the rest that Mirtazapine granted me from my anxiety and OCD, however I am more grateful to be feeling back to myself now and I do feel ready to take on and better manage the challenges my mental health throws at me, by myself.